dirtbugdied (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dirtbugdied) wrote2026-03-10 11:06 am
dirtbugdied) wrote2026-03-10 11:06 am
Entry tags:
More words More time
I'm no longer Upset and hiding in the bathroom so now I have a bit of a better spot to express myself. take my words, put them into new, better word.
So from the top.
No, school does not care about you. School has never cared about you, the individual. That's now how they were made, how it was set up. Sure, It may have been the intention but I'm not sure it actually was meant to go with it.
I'm so sick of it and I think I have been for a long time. I've sorta known that I as a person didn't really matter when it came to school. that my feelings and my thoughts were more of a distraction and a disturbance and my grades were what was really important, not the fact that i wanted so desperately to kill myself. It was clear with the guidance "counselors" and when they started turning more into the "academic coordinators." They weren't there for you or your feelings. They just wanted to ask why you were failing math and then still do nothing about it when you tell them.
and then, what's great is, when you finally explode, when you've finally had enough, you don't know what to do, and you're just sobbing. That's when they want to call you crazy, that's when they want to pretend they care, when they hospitalize you because it's "for Your own good." I mean, it's so much easier than just talking to you. It's so much easier than showing you the genuine care you've needed.
And when you get back, and you're still not better though you're no longer crying now, they'll go back to asking why you're failing math. When you finally give up on answering, at explaining, at asking for help, when you're finally no longer giving anything to school, A thorn in its side. That is when you get sent away. Like the bad kids, the kids who fight, and threaten, and sell shit. You go with them, because now you're just like them. You're just the bottom of the barrel.
Finally when you speak out, tell anyone it's not fair, it's the same thing. "well, Life isn't fair" and "That's just the way it is" or "You just have to deal with it." Well fuck that, Fuck you for telling me that, and Fuck the system for making you believe such bullshit.
They never really cared about you, who you were, what you wanted to do, what you were going through, and they never will.
they made it so clear that you were only worth what grades you got. That you were only as smart as the A's on your report card. and only mattered as long as you were in your seat when that bell rang.
I'll die like this. useless and meaningless. I'll make no importance. I'll die a nobody.
I don't even know if I'm upset about it anymore.
So from the top.
No, school does not care about you. School has never cared about you, the individual. That's now how they were made, how it was set up. Sure, It may have been the intention but I'm not sure it actually was meant to go with it.
I'm so sick of it and I think I have been for a long time. I've sorta known that I as a person didn't really matter when it came to school. that my feelings and my thoughts were more of a distraction and a disturbance and my grades were what was really important, not the fact that i wanted so desperately to kill myself. It was clear with the guidance "counselors" and when they started turning more into the "academic coordinators." They weren't there for you or your feelings. They just wanted to ask why you were failing math and then still do nothing about it when you tell them.
and then, what's great is, when you finally explode, when you've finally had enough, you don't know what to do, and you're just sobbing. That's when they want to call you crazy, that's when they want to pretend they care, when they hospitalize you because it's "for Your own good." I mean, it's so much easier than just talking to you. It's so much easier than showing you the genuine care you've needed.
And when you get back, and you're still not better though you're no longer crying now, they'll go back to asking why you're failing math. When you finally give up on answering, at explaining, at asking for help, when you're finally no longer giving anything to school, A thorn in its side. That is when you get sent away. Like the bad kids, the kids who fight, and threaten, and sell shit. You go with them, because now you're just like them. You're just the bottom of the barrel.
Finally when you speak out, tell anyone it's not fair, it's the same thing. "well, Life isn't fair" and "That's just the way it is" or "You just have to deal with it." Well fuck that, Fuck you for telling me that, and Fuck the system for making you believe such bullshit.
They never really cared about you, who you were, what you wanted to do, what you were going through, and they never will.
they made it so clear that you were only worth what grades you got. That you were only as smart as the A's on your report card. and only mattered as long as you were in your seat when that bell rang.
I'll die like this. useless and meaningless. I'll make no importance. I'll die a nobody.
I don't even know if I'm upset about it anymore.