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The system's journal!
that's all this will be used as, there will more often than not be sign offs at the end of a post if the alter wishes to disclose who they are.
sometimes there won't be and that's okay.
- Dionysus
honestly it seems all pretty futile to me.
So we have this system friend that was really cool when we met them. It was the height of popularity of epic the musical and we shared quite a few sourcemates for it. Eventually two of them got into relations. it was sweet, it was cute, talked all the time, called all the time. Then another two got into relations. Okay, thats two, more than one. They were also sweet, cute, talked often. And then again, another relationship. It all sticked within epic the musical alter (and greek mythology.)
(Ours) Hermes with ody.
(Ours) Calypsos with (a different)Odysseus.
And (ours) Dionysus with Apollo.
It was good, it was great, it was awesome for them. Then it just stopped. Everything stopped. They all stopped showing up. The talking and reaching out stopped happening. And whatever connection was there just shriveled up. Its honestly hurting the 3 a lot. Dionysus is taking it the hardest since hes a frequent fronter.
This "friend" we made is simply just ours, we aren't theirs and its very obvious. They only reach out when they need to vent, feel lonely, or feel like they have No One else to talk to. We aren't a friend, we aren't even second option, we're a "well i have nothing else so i guess this is good enough." And i don't know what we want to do about it because it's not only affecting the big three but all of us because we already don't have friends as is a crave a simple connection.
And and one last thing. I and amsel have suspicions that they've pushed far from us so much so that they don't want us simply getting into a shared interest. When We mentioned wanting to watch The Pitt their first reaction was: "oh i don't think its something you would like."
Which, common we watch house first of all, second it VERY much seemed like something we would like, and tired we definitely liked it.
Im just stumped on what to do. I cant cut them off, thats not fair to the big three, i could confront them but i don't even know how i would, and besides i don't really want to be friends with someone like that.
- Dennis
So we have this system friend that was really cool when we met them. It was the height of popularity of epic the musical and we shared quite a few sourcemates for it. Eventually two of them got into relations. it was sweet, it was cute, talked all the time, called all the time. Then another two got into relations. Okay, thats two, more than one. They were also sweet, cute, talked often. And then again, another relationship. It all sticked within epic the musical alter (and greek mythology.)
(Ours) Hermes with ody.
(Ours) Calypsos with (a different)Odysseus.
And (ours) Dionysus with Apollo.
It was good, it was great, it was awesome for them. Then it just stopped. Everything stopped. They all stopped showing up. The talking and reaching out stopped happening. And whatever connection was there just shriveled up. Its honestly hurting the 3 a lot. Dionysus is taking it the hardest since hes a frequent fronter.
This "friend" we made is simply just ours, we aren't theirs and its very obvious. They only reach out when they need to vent, feel lonely, or feel like they have No One else to talk to. We aren't a friend, we aren't even second option, we're a "well i have nothing else so i guess this is good enough." And i don't know what we want to do about it because it's not only affecting the big three but all of us because we already don't have friends as is a crave a simple connection.
And and one last thing. I and amsel have suspicions that they've pushed far from us so much so that they don't want us simply getting into a shared interest. When We mentioned wanting to watch The Pitt their first reaction was: "oh i don't think its something you would like."
Which, common we watch house first of all, second it VERY much seemed like something we would like, and tired we definitely liked it.
Im just stumped on what to do. I cant cut them off, thats not fair to the big three, i could confront them but i don't even know how i would, and besides i don't really want to be friends with someone like that.
- Dennis
The sun and a bird
Mar. 6th, 2026 09:08 amwell, it feels like I haven't talked to anyone really.
I sorta stopped asking for him. asking to see him, asking to talk to him, it felt futile. Of course I know it's not his fault, I know he can't be front all the time and I know it's not all that up to him. It's just been a month so some part of me just feels drifted. My sun set so now it's just been night for so long I'm no longer waiting for morning.
I still have made no effort to talk to the bird. I'm co-front/continuous a lot during interaction but I never make myself known and he never tells. I always think about it though, what a relationship with them would be like for me, if it'll make me happier. I keep wondering what the sun would think, If he'd think.
- Dionysus
I sorta stopped asking for him. asking to see him, asking to talk to him, it felt futile. Of course I know it's not his fault, I know he can't be front all the time and I know it's not all that up to him. It's just been a month so some part of me just feels drifted. My sun set so now it's just been night for so long I'm no longer waiting for morning.
I still have made no effort to talk to the bird. I'm co-front/continuous a lot during interaction but I never make myself known and he never tells. I always think about it though, what a relationship with them would be like for me, if it'll make me happier. I keep wondering what the sun would think, If he'd think.
- Dionysus
what options
Feb. 22nd, 2026 05:38 pmI have a SLIGHT, PASSIVE, crush on the hosts boyfriend.
WOAH. yeah so that is happening. I don't know how, I don't know where it came from, i've never even actually talked to him. at least not directly as myself. The host, Amsel, Dirt, Whatever name they want to use, knows about this little feeling and doesn't really feel anything towards. I Keep thinking about it and I don't know how I feel. like I said its basically passive. I'm not sure if I even like them or if its just me wanting the attention since I've been feeling extra lonely every time I front and I'm here. I keep wanting to talk to him, actually talk to him but it feels weird and a little awkward I guess. He doesn't know me, I don't really know him, i've never talked to him before, I wouldn't even know where to start.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should sit here, watch, and let these feelings maybe pass or if I should talk to them and try to get close and see if something happens. its so complicated, living like this is so complicated. I just don't know what to do with this or how to do it.
-Dionysus
WOAH. yeah so that is happening. I don't know how, I don't know where it came from, i've never even actually talked to him. at least not directly as myself. The host, Amsel, Dirt, Whatever name they want to use, knows about this little feeling and doesn't really feel anything towards. I Keep thinking about it and I don't know how I feel. like I said its basically passive. I'm not sure if I even like them or if its just me wanting the attention since I've been feeling extra lonely every time I front and I'm here. I keep wanting to talk to him, actually talk to him but it feels weird and a little awkward I guess. He doesn't know me, I don't really know him, i've never talked to him before, I wouldn't even know where to start.
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should sit here, watch, and let these feelings maybe pass or if I should talk to them and try to get close and see if something happens. its so complicated, living like this is so complicated. I just don't know what to do with this or how to do it.
-Dionysus
What world?
Jan. 14th, 2026 12:43 amIts hard to live in a world that was never set up for you and never had a plan to be. Its hard to live in a world where you dont exist, where no one cares about you, and no one takes the time to take you into account.
Everyday its like im drifting further away from what i am, that i am forgetting myself and other and no one seems care or realize or wonder. Its hard living when you do not exist in the minds of others. They go with what they know and shut down around what they don't. Most of the time I, We, Are merely an inconvenience.
Our name varies, our people veri, and yet it seems we are expected to stay as one.
I want to use my own name, i want to for once live a day that is mine, I want to not be expected to act in someone else's shoes.
I want to be known, even for a moment.
I want to be recognized as someone and not something.
I have a name.
I have a personality.
I have a face.
Just once in a while, ask me who I am.
- Unknown/unclear alter
Everyday its like im drifting further away from what i am, that i am forgetting myself and other and no one seems care or realize or wonder. Its hard living when you do not exist in the minds of others. They go with what they know and shut down around what they don't. Most of the time I, We, Are merely an inconvenience.
Our name varies, our people veri, and yet it seems we are expected to stay as one.
I want to use my own name, i want to for once live a day that is mine, I want to not be expected to act in someone else's shoes.
I want to be known, even for a moment.
I want to be recognized as someone and not something.
I have a name.
I have a personality.
I have a face.
Just once in a while, ask me who I am.
- Unknown/unclear alter
I usually always feel pretty lonely when I front, I know most of us do because we never actually have anyone to talk to. The host already doesn't have many friends as is. hardly talks to anyone and anyone hardly talks to them. so you know it can be even harder for any of us who already hardly know these people to start a conversation. I don't fully hate it, I'm not good at talking to people anyway but sometimes I do wish I could do something that wasn't just laying in our bed.
And another thing, I hate seeing ourselves. I hate not seeing me when I look into any reflective surface. I hate not seeing my hair, my face, my hands, my anything. I hate that feeling of feeling like me but not looking like me. it drives me crazy.
I hate being here. I never know what to do.
- Никита
And another thing, I hate seeing ourselves. I hate not seeing me when I look into any reflective surface. I hate not seeing my hair, my face, my hands, my anything. I hate that feeling of feeling like me but not looking like me. it drives me crazy.
I hate being here. I never know what to do.
- Никита
All in my turn
Dec. 3rd, 2025 09:00 amI know it's dangerous, not just for me but for everyone in the system. I feel bad, kinda. I don't know. It's not much I'm doing anyway. It's just for fun and those benefits. I'll feel less alone and less like a burden this way. I’ll be safe about it, I'm pretty smart and older so I know what I'm doing. Still, I know it's dumb.
I feel bad for Ulysses. This isn't his game and as much as i know he's missed it i know he doesn't want to play anymore. I’m gonna end up fucking somthing up with this and then I’ll really feel bad. I'm putting us all in harm's way, I hate that I know this. I'm too old to be oblivious to what's happening but I really wish I wasn't. I'd feel less guilty that way.
I’ll regret this when it’s over, I know that much, but right now It feels like all I have and I’ll take what I can get.
Besides, Antinous was right, this is really all I'm good for anyway
| Dionysus
I feel bad for Ulysses. This isn't his game and as much as i know he's missed it i know he doesn't want to play anymore. I’m gonna end up fucking somthing up with this and then I’ll really feel bad. I'm putting us all in harm's way, I hate that I know this. I'm too old to be oblivious to what's happening but I really wish I wasn't. I'd feel less guilty that way.
I’ll regret this when it’s over, I know that much, but right now It feels like all I have and I’ll take what I can get.
Besides, Antinous was right, this is really all I'm good for anyway
| Dionysus
I miss my brother, Thanatos. I usually always get a little emotional in front because of how much i miss him but how could i not. He was so important to me, I loved him more than I loved myself and then one day he's just gone without a trace and I'm trapped here without him. Some dumb part of me still hopes that one day I’ll find him, that maybe I’ll meet someone and somehow it’ll be Thanatos we can love each other again. It has to be possible, right? At least a little? If Hermes AND Calypso were able to do it, to find their love out here again surely I'm able to too, right? I want to ask, to search, the way herm did, but I'm scared. I always hear how it’s wrong or how it's dangerous to have this image of someone in source and then put it on another person but I just hope. I hope i can find him again, somehow.
I miss my Lover, I miss him so much.
Thanatos, one day.
` Hypnos
I miss my Lover, I miss him so much.
Thanatos, one day.
` Hypnos
It's kind of weird how I was pulled to front for it, thaaaat is not my field! I don't handle things like that! but for some reason it was me who was pulled up and stressed about it! It’s not my thing, and I really mean it not my thing. I didn't do anything for it because I kinda got there at the last second but it still had me stressed about it. I don't know if it was because of that one time I dealt with something similar and it just pushed that instinct in me or what. I’m not really sure how to feel about it, I really don’t deal well with things like that. Hell, even that first time it was quite triggering but I was worried about leaving so I didn't. Dion tried to tell me that I could if I wanted to, that it was neither my job nor my responsibility and I knew that but how could I be expected to just disappear because I was a little uncomfortable? And besides, I got a friend out of it in the end but I just hope this doesn't become a pattern.
` Hypnos
` Hypnos
I found myself thinking about halo, my ex. It's been a good long while now since he just ghosted me for no reason. I don't think about them much anymore. I'm not sure if that's linked to the fact that I haven't been here very often or if I'm just trying to block it out. I can hardly remember when it all happened. All I know, all I can really remember, is waking up one day to find myself blocked by them. Nothing more than that. No message of any kind, no signs, no anything, he was just gone. I was distraught, who wouldn't be? I know we weren't dating for very long but I loved him, every bit of him. I did things, told him things I had never done or told anyone else before. For the first time ever I felt like someone, he made me feel like I was actually some person. I was talking, doing things, existing, and it was all because of him and then he was just gone for no reason. I remember we used to stalk his tiktok quite a lot, see what he was posting, just check. But then the account just disappeared and I haven't seen anything from him since.
I still don't understand it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong.
Of course I still miss him, he was everything to me. Some part of me is still hoping he’ll come back, that there's a small chance he might. I doubt it's true though. I just wish I knew what I had done wrong.
Simon
I still don't understand it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did wrong.
Of course I still miss him, he was everything to me. Some part of me is still hoping he’ll come back, that there's a small chance he might. I doubt it's true though. I just wish I knew what I had done wrong.
Simon
